oh the hip-thrusting saxophonist totally totally made my day :D ahahahaha.

the song's rather addictive actually :p

fuck i have no motivation to do work -.-

i'm so bored that i'm watching eurovision. ahaha. but i adore alexander rybak (he won last year) gosh has a year just gone by like that? sighs. off we go into the world.

whoosh, done with all my undergrad law papers. all i've got left is econs. have a study date with angela & leslie later. angela always get so amused by leslie-i-want-to-take-a-leak -.-

i refuse to say tt yesterday was my last law paper (seeing as how i have the part a course) and i'm adamant i'm doing my masters in a few years time :p so there

everyone's in london :p

whoosh, i've got a jammed-pack two and a half days before i fly off to prague :D

i am so so so happy my angie baby is coming down :DDD teehee. she's the best <3

its been a long week. i'm exhausted. its more of nabari no ou and sleep :D i had a horrid night of sleep last night.

mms, while there were definitely some controversial actions taken by the spore govt, and again i don't want to be part of them, there's a part of me that still constantly is grateful and i suppose respect them for where they have brought spore to. and especially in light of our neighbours. boy am i grateful.

so i wish ppl would stop harping on this one-party state, and the lack of democracy. we have a much more stable and thriving society than yours okay. control your bloody labour unions and their strikes before criticising us -rolls eyes-

and while i do still voice out what i feel is wrong in spore society. often we have to remind ourselves that we probably wouldn't be able to voice out these specific faults if we aren't where we are today. it is because we have nothing to say economically & stability-wise that we have the opportunity to argue for more rights. otherwise all we'd be moaning about is the lack of jobs/money/peace/stability etc.

i think i've grown less impervious with age ):

sighs, don't know what to think about juris really. first two went well enough, not sure about the last one though. -crosses all my fingers- that it was enough. sian.

mms, i'm thinking of watching sunsets from the edge of cliffs, long train rides with my ipod plugged in, lazy afternoons by the beach with a mojito and good food (: mms. life is looking promising after the 1st of june. heh.

on another note. would you just fuck off already -.- i don't need to listen to all your shit you know.

mms. lovely (:

teehee :p being charming gets you so much further than being antagonistic or abrasive :p

mini quarter-life crisis revival last night. urghs. spent 5 hours in bed this morning tossing & turning. what a horrid night -.-

i'm all up for an early night tonight :D

aim for the next year: to push the walls of my heart wider, and to open the door that's been too tightly shut.

mms, so many cute boys in one mv. hahaha. kyuhyun is adorable larh. i love suju's maknae. teehee. hmms, heechul, donghae, leeteuk & eunhyuk are pretty cute too. teehee.

mms, i have a feeling my rant was rather unreadable :p snorts. whatever.

oh random story. i went for she & him on monday night (which was bloody awesome btw. i can die a happy person - i've heard all my favourite bands/singers play in london in e past 3 years). anyway, since i was heading out anyway, i stopped by princi to grab more raisin bread, 20 pounds worth of bread to be exact :p so imagine my horror when i got to stupid 02 shepherd's bush and was told i can't bring food in. e ppl at o2 shepherd's bush are rude and inconsiderate btw -.- urghs.

anyway, so sonya and i got out of e queue and were like trying to figure out what to do with it. i refused to throw my precious bread away :p haha, so i spotted a o'neills next to e concert venue and just randomly went in to ask them if they could hold it for me. so the first person i saw was this really cute eastern european boy called talig (i think?) and so i kinda did the big-eyed, close-to-tears kinda desperate begging and this lovely angel took it for me and kept it for me till i came back. i nearly missed him and met him at e door on his way out, and he was like 'oh i thought you forgot about me'. so cute right. hahaha. mms, its ppl like these that make this world and london a wonderful place (:

ps. sonya called me a manipulative bitch. HAHAHA

ureshiku nararerimasen. anata wa ikarette, yokatadesu. de mo, anata ga itsumo itsumo watashi ni hanashimashita. anata wa ikonai no kanashisa ga wakarimasen. kono kanjou wa osoroshii desu. ima watashi wa shippai wo osorerimasu. todemo todemo osorerimasu. saikin shippai no kanjou wa itsumo itsumo kokoro ni kimashita. sukijanai, de mo, kono kanjou ga nakunatteimasendeshita. gomenasai, de mo, ima anata ga daikiraidesu. shourai wa nani wo suru to doko ni iku ga shitteimasen. sorekara, todemo kohai desu. de mo, ima watashi wa matteimasen. mai nichi mai nichi ga matte, ano nichi made desu.

i think i've grown too comfortable in life.

mms, it isn't what i want. but yet at the same time i can't quite quell this bitter taste of disappointment.

but nevermind, i shall just bide my time and wait

it makes me so sad that this voice is gone forever. oh how i love julie andrews. and the captain will always be so suave (:

in trying to avoid hart and preparation for the final step of my undergraduate degree, i'm drawn into thinking about what this past 3 years have meant to me, and what does the end of it mean.

honestly, to be fair, i don't think lse has taught me anything academics-wise that i couldn't have learned from the books. hell, i was barely in school. and the teachers never did care anyway, they didn't care if i didn't turn up, didn't care if i didn't hand in something, didn't care if i didn't understand. and i suppose that's what the 3 years have been about.

the biggest theme of my university life would probably be independence. no one to tell me where to go, what to do, how to move ahead. and its just like learning to ride a bicycle. you always tell the parent holding on to you, to never let go, in fear of falling down. but yet, when they let go without you noticing, you are still able to move along. a bit wobbly at first, but soon you gain speed, and you're able to go faster and further than ever before. but yet at the same time, you have the confidence to keep pedaling without fear of falling, because you still believe that someone's holding on to you.

and so its been a contradiction i suppose, just like everything about me. i've grown more independent, a bit more hardened i suppose, more isolated, more self-aware, more confident and better equipped at surviving and i hope, wiser (: and yet at the same time, i've grown more attached to my family, perhaps even more sentimental (momentary flashes) (and if its even possible if i can get more sentimental :p ), more internationalist and more aware of this world i live in.

but despite the inadequacies of lse, or maybe university life in general, i'm incredibly grateful for these 3 years. coming to london, i felt let out of the cage that i've been cooped in for so long. for the first time in a really long time, i could breathe. life became solely about doing what i've always wanted to do, about the big picture and about the good things in life. no longer was i trapped by the small insignificant stuff, the hurtful or painful or plain petty and annoying shit. well i wouldn't say the three years have been like that, probably the last two. but despite the pretty horrid first year, i'd never want to change it ever. because it taught me so much more about people and myself than i'd ever know otherwise. so for that, thank you. i know who i am, what i want to be, and perhaps more precisely, what i never want to be.

the people here have been awesome (: unique, international, diverse and warm. some of the friends i've made, i want to hold close to me for the rest of my life. but as we cross the last hurdle and fly the coop, who knows where we'll end up. perhaps i might never see some people again. but still, the fact that they were there at that point in time, is more than enough for me.

perhaps the biggest component of my academic years has been my travels. haha, the irony. but i've seen so much beauty in the world, so many interesting diverse cultures, ways of life and people. i never want to stop craving for that beauty, never want to lose my wanderlust.

but most of all. university and london gave me the opportunity to see the worlld of opportunities waiting out there for me. i can be exactly anything i want to be. nothing can hold me back (: and i now know where i want to be in ten years time. and its an exhilarating, exciting feeling inside of me that i can't quite quell.

i've learned to stop looking backwards, to live for now, and to hope for the future (:

i'll miss you london (: and lse too

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM SO FRUSTRATED!

-bangs head on table-

urghs. i'm giving up on elections watching.

wonder what kind of a UK will i wake up to tmr :p

part of me is hoping for a hung parliament - political drama (y) haha. another part of me is hoping for a tories win for david cameron. mms, we shall wait & see. nights.

methinks i'm going insane. mms. i swear i just heard e 'beep' sound my lift back in camelot makes when someone arrives on our floor.

ahahaha.

i commented on bagsnob e other day and used 'e' instead of 'the' and someone immediately replied saying, you must be singaporean 0_o do many singaporeans use 'e' instead of 'the', i just started using it because it was a shorter way of typing 'the' for notes. eh? haha

somehow this song is really addictive. mms, f(x) is growing on me.

i think amber's (e androgynous one) is terribly good looking. hahaha. reminds me of the good ol rgs days where stef was the sexiest boy around (: haha, she would come in different stereotypical boys for each dress-up event in sch :D

very odd indeed. i just cracked 4 eggs from e same carton, and every single one had double egg-yolks 0_o wow.

election day tmr! -fingers crossed- for no more gordon brown :p i have a slight preference for david cameron. haha. i think alex would be delighted if e tories got it.

mms, warm ginger tea is wonderful for a chilly afternoon.

drinking it reminds me of e time when ming came over to 'look after' me when i was sick :p she cooked ginger soup & tangyuan <3

mercuric

mercuric is the word of the day.

mercuric eyes

such a pretty image it paints.

mms, i can't help but feel distaste for some people. and i wonder if its because of either prejudice, elitism or an increased awareness. or maybe its just their attitude tt pisses me off -.-

URGHS. i''m so frustrated tt i'm constrained by my age. angry & frustrated.

and incredibly fed-up with e bigoted & narrow mindset of some ppl. roars, and i can't decide which is worse, e fact tt they are there, or they are here. is a grass is black where i am, or grass is greener over there but e bloody goats don't appreciate it.

my brain is fried. i'm not making sense. this fucking agency, capacity & authority shite is just flying way over my head. whoosh.

fuck my head is pounding -.-

i hate these spaced-out headaches. very counter-productive. grumbles. and don't tell me its cos i'm not sleeping enough. fuck i sleep like a bear in hibernation okay. hahaha. i keep falling asleep. its ridiculous.

sighs, this holiday planning thing is extremely time consuming really.

i think this was e first time i point-blank said to him tt i was angry at him. i think he was abit lost for words

everytime i see it, it feels like a slap to the face. i know i shouldn't take this personally. hell it has nothing to do with me. but the comparison is there. shrugs. i hate my father for putting this comparison thing in me. you'd think tt an only child wouldn't have to compare with anyone else. wrong -.- you end up having being compared against e whole bloody world.

mms, i wonder if i can get away with taking a whole year off next year. and only do the part b course in 2012 :p HAHA. i'd kill for tt roadie position damnit ):

whoosh (: today was a wonderful day!

went to roka with sonya. had a fantastically wonderful lunch :D my tummy is still rolling around in happiness. hahaha. mms. happy happy. of course e company was even better :p haha.

mms, then popped over to princi for BREAD BREAD GLORIOUS BREAD :D i got 4 raisin flutes & a large raisin loaf. e guy serving me was like 'eh, you really like raisins don't you' HAHA. sonya burst into laughter next to me while i embarrassedly nodded -.- heh. love love love princi. e bread's sitting next to me now and i can smell e glorious bread aroma wafting over all e time. swoons. so good. i want to open a bakery one day. haha. just like princi (y) i will trash simply bread :p

mms, gloriously chewy bread, with a crunchy crust & plump & juicy raisins. hot-cross buns, eat shit & die man.

almost couldn't get on e bus cos my oyster was out of money, but i erh just smiled sweetly at e bus-driver asking him if he'd just let me on :D haha. and he waved me on.

then picked up my daily skinny cappuccino from pret. can't live without it.

then got home just before e rain came pouring now.

and now i'm sitting here listening to e rain.

today was a good happy day (((:

food pictures up on hello sunshine soon (:

i wonder, if one day i will settle. settle for things that are good, but aren't wonderful. things that are special, but not made just for me. things tt make ppl go wow, how lucky you are, but all i can do is smile bitterly and nod quietly. its so easy to take e good, tried path. and so difficult to forge a new one. its even harder when e ppl you are relying upon don't see e future in that path.

how do you know who your soulmate is, love him, and not be with him?